England vs France - Minute-by-minute

[Puja]

Minute 56: Faz kicks the conversion.

Minute 57: France kick off and no sooner is Launchbury involved in a restart than he has buggered it up. I genuinely have no idea how he is so bad at these when he's so good at everything else. France regather, but Lawes and then Launchbury fly up to bury them behind the gainline and they lose 10 metres. Dupont kicks over the top and it's a great one, bouncing into touch in the 22. How was Parra starting ahead of him?!

Minute 58: We take a regulation lineout with Launchbury and then set a good maul that rumbles forward well. Faz kicks long and low, but Ramos collects on the bounce to counter.

Minute 59: France attack and make very little ground, before Dupont is nearly caught by May round the back of a ruck. He escapes May and then runs down the blindside that May's just vacated. He makes good ground, but BillyV catches him and removes the ball like sucrose-based thievery from an infant. Youngs attempts to flip the loose ball up to Daly, but it bounces a good metre in front of him and he does well to gather and kick clear. Sadly it's straight to touch and we've taken it back into the 22.

Minute 60: France take the lineout unopposed and set a good maul, but George is through the centre to bring down the ball carrier. Dupont adds something to Parra's case for starting by passing to no-one in particular and France go backwards under pressure. Moon then has a baffling moment where the ball is passed behind Lambet, but he still decides to step in and tackle him, despite him clearly not having been passed the ball. Bastareaud understandably attacks the space that Moon has left causing Slade to step in, and the offload puts Guirado through a hole. Daly does a belting job though - first bringing down Guirado one-on-one, then bouncing up and tackling Dupont as he receives the offload from the floor, then releasing Dupont to grab the ankle of Aldegheri as the pass is made.

[Mr Mwenda]

Cheers as ever for these. You could put them on a rugby blog somewhere.

[Puja]

Minute 61: The ball is passed to a stationary Bastareaud and Lawes absolutely finishes him. On replay, it's actually not one of Lawes's best - his head is in the wrong place and it dampens the impact of the shoulder - but knocking down 18.8 stone of fat man is never to be sniffed at. France hold onto possession though and get away with two bits of offside, one a pick and go bumping into another forward and one Ntmack dummying to a forward pod and then running around behind them. Both times Nige says "Play on," because a tackle was made, but both times the dominant tackle was prevented and ground was made because of the blocks.

Alien-Replacement-Farrell gets another appearance by not reacting to a punch attempt by Iturria, who is really chucking in some cheap stuff today. BillyV gets a turnover denied by a French player playing it on the floor (and conning Nige into thinking Billy's knocked on) and then Curry locks himself round the ball for an age and ends up actually ripping it back towards England's side of the ruck, only for Nige to call, "Don't touch it now! Lost!" when we try to pick it up. It feels churlish when we've been given two free tries by referee mistakes, but it doesn't feel like Nige is helping us today.

Minute 62: We go back for the spurious knock-on. Manu and George off for Ford and LCD. Justice is served as we shove France off the ball and earn the penalty. We kick to the halfway.

Minute 63: Television decides we don't need to see the lineout, but apparently we've lost it. Slapped down behind Dupont who initially looks to be in trouble, but does well to get out of a corner and then bounces off Ben Moon. Not been impressed by him today - any prop that gets bounced in a front-on tackle by a scrum-half should be automatically dropped for a game.

France kick high, Daly goes up... and is beaten to it. Not encouraging. Still, Slade collects the slap back and we box-kick. Nowell makes a bit of a cock-up on the catch and knocks on to give France back the ball.

Minute 64: They do nothing of note with it though and eventually box-kick. Daly comes for it... and sort of gets it. Fumbled back and regathered on the bounce, which is a result of a sort... until the touch judge gives it as knocked forward for some reason. Not encouraging at all.

Minute 65: Nobody accomplishes a scrum.

[Puja]

Cheers as ever for these. You could put them on a rugby blog somewhere.

The thought has occurred to me, especially as I discovered the other day that I'd actually driven traffic to this website by Which sharing the line to the Ireland one on another forum. I'm happy with that; I do enjoy this place and it'd only thrive with greater traffic, so if you think anyone would enjoy them, please link away.

Puja

[Puja]

Minute 66: Dupont grubbers from the base of the scrum and it rolls into touch 5m out. Good nudge. We win the lineout and kick to the 10m line.

Minute 67: France win the lineout and, after a messy attempt at a maul, pass it to the backs. Ntmack attempts to take on Ford and gets tackled well. Our rush defence appears to have taken the rest of the day off, as two good unpressured offloads out the tackle see Guirado through a massive gap. France are up to the 22 and Dupont chucks a blatant forward pass that is deemed okay by the officials.

Minute 68: More attack in the 22, but we have now reorganised and appear comfortable. France get up to the 5m line, but Lambey has a case of Ashton-hands and drops a simple pass for an England scrum. Lambey really does look more Irish than most of the Irish team. How the hell he lives in southern France without spontaneously combusting in the sunlight is beyond me - I can only assume Factor 200 sunblock and judicious use of parasols.

Minute 69: Ford kicks long from the scrum and is unlucky that the ball doesn't bounce to touch. A good chase stops the counter anyway and then France are marched backwards by some aggressive defence, inluding another big tackle from Curry. We get a weird decision at the ruck from Nige when Wilson jackals, is knocked off his feet, and then May comes in as second man and pinches the ball. Didn't want you to feel like I was just picking on the crap calls against England. Lawes then gets us another one by getting up after a tackle was completed to no whistle.

Minute 70: Cowan-Dickie gets a poor pass from Ford and spills it forward. Not good George. Iturria gives Farrell a big sarcastic hand-clap over some verbal altercation, but I don't really know what grounds he's getting chirpy over - aren't they losing? Badly? Lambey then gives Farrell a shove which is met with a grin and a few more words which are probably what I just said. Robson is finally on for his test debut - here's 9 minutes in a game that's already won and has turned very scrappy. Enjoy!

France do very little with the ball from the scrum, but they are at least keeping it in hand, not passing it way back to invite the rush, and they're finally making a metre here and there. Hughes is responsible for a couple of very wet tackles which don't help.

[Puja]

Minute 71: LCD makes a great turnover and England pass it wide. There's a brief chance of an overlap and 2-on-1 with May outside, but Ford stumbles over his own feet as he takes the pass and it's gone. Long kick downfield and France are pinned back in the 22. They box kick out, but don't find touch and May counters.

Minute 72: Ford draws the defence and grubbers for Nowell to chase, but it just bounces over the line and Fickou grounds for a 22. France give it back with a long drop-out and Ford puts it high - it's contestible, but well taken by France.

Minute 73: Nowell doesn't trust Cole and steps in to take the second-last man, leaving Fickou free on the outside. The offload is lost forwards, but dangerous moment. Nowell was to blame as Cole did have Bastareaud covered.

We only just secure our scrum ball and Hughes does well at the back to make a few metres with bad ball. Back to Ford and a cross-kick for May - it's very good, but Penaud does really well to track him and take him into touch.

Minute 74: France attack impotently from the lineout. Lawes and Launch look to have held up a Frenchman in a choke tackle, but there's no word from Nige and it eventually falls over, at which point Nige shouts "Maul!" Thanks Nige, we've released it now. Box-kick goes up, Daly comes running in... AND CATCHES IT! HUZZAH!!!

There's actually not a huge amount of competition and he doesn't need to jump, but frankly, I'm willing to take any sort of take in any sort of traffic at this point.

Minute 75: Nowell clumps it forward, possibly too long, probably too early, definitely inelegantly, but Robson chases hard and catches Ramos as he tries to step inside him. Nowell and Curry latch straight onto the ball and, while Nowell is cleared out, Curry hangs on and is *finally* given a turnover penalty at the ruck. Nowell celebrates with what can only be described as a swinging arm spank to Curry who is still bent over with his head in the middle of the ruck. It's highly unnerving - even if you're into that kind of thing, that one's going to leave a bruise and should probably have required dinner to have been bought first.

We kick for touch 5m out.

[Puja]

Minute 76: Good lineout drill to find Lawes, but France drive right through our front lifter to no interest from the officials and Lawes knocks on.

Minute 77: There's a few phases from the scrum, but France fail to get away from their line. I rag on Hughes a lot, but there's a nice tackle from him in there, even if I think he could've been quicker off the scrum in the first place. Sadly, Curry chases down Ntmack when he drops back to kick and gets a fingertip on the ball, which results in a French lineout just outside the 22.

Minute 78: Lawes does well to win the lineout our way and tap down. Hughes carries well in midfield to take us up to the edge of the 22. Some decent forward carries off Robson and we make good ground. Ford absolutely telegraphs a move with Nowell coming on the inside of him and fools everyone, cameraman included, when he doesn't pass and makes the dart himself. That was nice. Unfortunately he offloads on the floor to Nowell who then drops it, and a very promising move comes to an end.

Minute 79: France drive through Moon at the scrum - I presume because we've lost focus - and then attack from the penalty advantage. Dupont makes a lovely break and then grubbers ahead for Ramos to chase. In comparison to France, for Farrell's try, Daly has Ramos covered and Ford is sprinting back to be first to the ball and touch down for a 22. Good workrate.

Minute 80: Ford kicks the drop-out long. The initial counter attack is shut down by a big tackle from LCD, but France go wide and we're again narrow and short on numbers. However Fickou overruns Bastareaud and the pass is knocked on. The scrum is then reset three times and I won't even bother with a Minute 81, 82, or 83 as nothing is happening. Finally Robson feeds the ball right into the locks almost as soon as he has the go-ahead, just to end this purgatory, the ball is played away before the scrum can collapse again and Ford puts it into the stands to a roar that's one part, "Yes, we won!" and one part, "I knew I should've left early to beat the traffic!"


What a phenomenal waste of time and effort that last 25 minutes was. I was going to call it a night at minute 65, but I knew so little of note happened that I wouldn't be bothered to get back to this if I didn't finish it tonight. None of the replacements shone and a few actively made the case for them not starting. Doing the Ireland game like this was a joy - this one was a chore. Here's hoping the Wales one is better entertainment for your faithful chronicler.

Until then, good night.

Puja

[Danno]

That's dedication. Kudos.

[Epaminondas Pules]

LCD had a more than solid impact after coming on

[Banquo]

LCD had a more than solid impact after coming on

I live in hope, as he is excellent in the loose, but his darts still seem a tad variable.

[Epaminondas Pules]

LCD had a more than solid impact after coming on

I live in hope, as he is excellent in the loose, but his darts still seem a tad variable.

One missed l/out when he came on where France got up in front, which really is a good steal. His darts in the Prem last season were the best in the league if memory serves. Test match pressure is different pressure of course, but he is so much better a player than Hartley with a far higher ceiling too.

[Banquo]

LCD had a more than solid impact after coming on

I live in hope, as he is excellent in the loose, but his darts still seem a tad variable.

One missed l/out when he came on where France got up in front, which really is a good steal. His darts in the Prem last season were the best in the league if memory serves. Test match pressure is different pressure of course, but he is so much better a player than Hartley with a far higher ceiling too.

maybe its confirmation bias, but every time I see him play LCD cocks up a throw under pressure. He is so much better than Hartley in the loose tho.