RugbyRebels

A dozen, a gross and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five time eleven
Is nine squared, and not a bit more

I saw my teacher scribble that down on graph paper once, we knew he was plotting something.
At least it doesn't mention 288 - that would be two gross.

Galfon wrote:I saw my teacher scribble that down on graph paper once, we knew he was plotting something.
At least it doesn't mention 288 - that would be two gross.

{golf claps}

Puja

Galfon wrote:I saw my teacher scribble that down on graph paper once, we knew he was plotting something.
At least it doesn't mention 288 - that would be two gross.

Bloke walks into a chemist's shop :

"I'll have 143 condoms please."
"Certainly sir, but why not have 144 - they're cheaper by the gross."
"What do think I am - a fekking sex maniac!"

A drug-dealer went to his GP for a prostate check-up.
The doctor was surprised to find a roll of fifty-pound notes tucked up his derriere.He counted 39 of these and informed the patient of the £1950 surprise discovery.
'"That explains why I've not been feeling two grand.." he replied.

My wife wife left me recently due to my passion for guns and weaponry.
Fortunately I have been able to find comfort in the arms of another woman.

<kfc>

I just joined an autopsy club.

Thursday is open Mike night.

Plain White T.s: A thousand miles seems pretty far. But they've got planes and trains and cars.
The Proclaimers: They have what now?

Director to Actor disappearing through floorboards: "Are you Ok ?"
Actor: " Fine, it's just a stage I'm going through.."

Puja

I went to my Doctor, he told me I was crazy.

I said, "No, No, No, that can`t be right, I want a second opinion."

"Okay, Okay, you`re ugly as well."


Mel Brooks, I think.

Which Tyler wrote:A dozen, a gross and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five time eleven
Is nine squared, and not a bit more

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The cube of its weight
Plus its diameter times eight
Was four fifths of five eighths of fuck all

A boy was pleased to receive a new bat off his Dad for his birthday.
Unfortunately, just like the old one, when he opened the box
it flew away.

I'm not that keen on tighter mask wearing rules - steamed-up glasses and squished ears are a right nuisance already..

Do you prefer:
a) Mulled Wine
b) Mulled Cider
c) Mulled Beer
d) Mulled Gin?



This was a mulled tipple choice question.

Puja

People are cutting back on Brussels sprouts this Christmas apparently.
The cost of gas is too high.

An Englishman, an Englishman and an Englishman walk into a Nightclub..

Man walks into a Butcher's:
Butcher: 'I bet a tenner you can't reach the two pieces of meat
up on that top tray..'
Man: 'I'm not betting - the steaks are too high.'

tim v.

Saw a sheep driving a flashy car through the village the other day -
it was a lamb-orghini.

In another 3028 years, there’s a chance that things will either be really good or really bad.

It’s 5050.

Puja

Map of Europe drawn from memory
Puja

Got rammed from behind by an ice-cream van yesterday at a busy junction, and it now looks like I'm suffering from Mr. Whippy-lash.
The collision was so bad they had to cone the area off..
< tony b >

That time of year again..
Funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe :
winner -Masai Graham, with his pasta joke.

2022 shortlist:

1. "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta" - Masai Graham

2. "Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery" - Mark Simmons

3. "My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock" - Olaf Falafel

4. "By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it is the same family" - Hannah Fairweather

5. "I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person" - Will Mars

6. "I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back" - Olaf Falafel

7. "I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx" - Richard Pulsford

8. "I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery" - Tim Vine

9. "Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate" - Sophie Duker

10. "I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days" - Will Duggan

<beeb>

What do you call a French chap in sandals ?

Philippe Pheloppe..
<nige h.>

How do you find Will Smith in the snow ?

Look for the fresh prints..