RugbyRebels

The 7th edition of the Annual Come Second After The All Blacks Unless It Happens To Be A World Cup Year, In Which Case All Bets Are Off tournament has kicked off again.

The first phase has now completed, and we're seeing some of the usual.

The All Blacks are currently miles ahead of the Wallabies, with a full 10 from 10 points available.
The Bledisloe ain't goin' nowhere no how.
The Springboks are probably formidable at home, but they pumped a shit Pumas side, and are shit on the road.
The Pumas are probably formidable at home, but they hammered a shit Boks side, and are shit on the road.


Fixtures and results
Round 1
Australia 13 - 38 New Zealand - ANZ Stadium, Sydney
Referee: Jaco Peyper (South Africa)

South Africa 34 - 21 Argentina - Kings Park Stadium, Durban
Referee: Ben O'Keeffe (New Zealand)


Round 2
New Zealand 40 - 12 Australia - Eden Park, Auckland
Referee: Wayne Barnes (England)

Argentina 32 - 19 South Africa - Estadio Malvinas Argentinas, Mendoza
Referee: Angus Gardiner


Round 3
New Zealand 46 - 24 Argentina - Trafalgar Park, Nelson
Referee: Pascal Gauzere (France)

Australia 23 - 18 South Africa - Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane
Referee: Glen Jackson (New Zealand)


Round 4
New Zealand 34 - 36 South Africa - Westpac Stadium, Wellington
Referee: Nigel Owens (Wales)

Australia 19 - 23 Argentina - Robina Stadium, Gold Coast
Referee: John Lacey (Ireland)


Round 5
South Africa 23 - 12 Australia - Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium, Port Elizabeth
Referee: Jerome "Deal Or No Deal" Garces (France)

Argentina 17 - 35 New Zealand - Estadio Velez Sarsfield - Buenos Aires
Referee: Mathiu Raynal (France)


Round 6
South Africa 30 - 32 New Zealand - Loftus Versfeld Stadium, Pretoria
Referee: Angus Gardiner (Australia)

Argentina 34 - 45 Australia - Estadio Padre Ernesto Martearena, Salta
Referee: Jaco Peyper (South Africa)

All Blacks
Either the greatest rugby team that ever rugbied in the history of rugby, or the cheatiest cheating cheats that cheated and are probably cheating now, who get away with murder, despite conspicuous silence and notable incidents "missed" by the judiciary. Either way, the All Blacks have dominated this competition since its inception as the Tri-Nations, having won 15 of the 22 tournaments played to date. That's over double the combined titles of Australia and South Africa.

Their dominance of the tournament has gone up another gear entirely since becoming the Rugby Championships, having won 30 of the 33 games they'd played going into this year's tournament. Remarkably, their best ever performance came in 2016, after the golden generation of Woodcock, Mealamu, McCaw, Carter, Nonu and Smith called it a career, winning every game with a bonus point.

Basically, they're now the 800-pound gorillas of the Southern Hemisphere, and it's doubtful anyone will be taking that title off of them any time soon, and the rest of the teams are competing to come second behind them. They're basically Larry Bird at the 3-point tournament.


Trophies contested within the Rugby Champs
Bledisloe Cup (v. Australia)
Freedom Cup (v. South Africa)


Last 5 games before the tournament
49 - 14 France - Forsyth Barr Stadium, Dunedin (2018 June Series)
26 - 13 France - Westpac Stadium, Wellington (2018 June Series)
52 - 11 France - Eden Park, Auckland (2018 June Series)
33 - 18 Wales - Millennium Stadium, Cardiff (2017 EOYT)
22 - 17 Scotland - Murrayfield, Edinburgh (2017 EOYT)


Tournament Pedigree
Clean Sweeps - 1996, 1997, 2003, 2010, 2012, 2013, 2016, 2017
Champions - 1999, 2002, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2014
Runners-up - 2000, 2001, 2009, 2011, 2015
Wooden Spoon - 2004
Reverse Sweep Wooden Spoon - 1998


Why you should support them
When you watch Star Wars, you side with the Empire. Underdogs can all go fuck themselves as far as you're concerned.


Squad
Coach - Steve Hansen
Captain - Kieran Read

Dane Coles (Hurricanes/Wellington)
Liam Coltman (Highlanders/Otago)
Nathan Harris (Chiefs/Bay of Plenty)
Codie Taylor (Crusaders/Canterbury)

Owen Franks (Crusaders/Canterbury)
Joe Moody (Crusaders/Canterbury)
Tim Perry (Crusaders/Tasman)
Angus Ta'avao (Chiefs/Taranaki)
Karl Tu'inukuafe (Chiefs/North Harbour)
Ofa Tu'ungafasi (Blues/Auckland)

Scott Barrett (Crusaders/Taranaki)
Brodie Retallick (Chiefs/Hawke's Bay)
Sam Whitelock (Crusaders/Canterbury)

Sam Cane (Chiefs/Bay of Plenty)
Shannon Frizell (Highlanders/Tasman)
Jackson Hemopo (Highlanders/Manawatu)
Kieran Read (Crusaders/Counties Manukau)
Ardie Savea (Hurricanes/Wellington)
Liam Squire (Highlanders/Tasman)
Luke Whitelock (Highlanders/Canterbury)

TJ Perenara (Hurricanes/Wellington)
Aaron Smith (Highlanders/Manawatu)
Te Toiroa Tahuriorangi (Chiefs/Taranaki)

Beauden Barrett (Hurricanes/Taranaki)
Damian McKenzie (Chiefs/Waikato)
Richie Mo'unga (Crusaders/Canterbury)

Ryan Crotty (Crusaders/Canterbury)
Jack Goodhue (Crusaders/Northland)
Ngani Laumape (Hurricanes/Manawatu)
Anton Lienert-Brown (Chiefs/Waikato)
Sonny Bill Williams (Blues/Counties Manukau)

Rieko Ioane (Blues/Auckland)
Nehe Milner-Skudder (Hurricanes/Manawatu)
Waisake Naholo (Highlanders/Taranaki)

Jordie Barrett (Hurricanes/Taranaki)
Ben Smith (Highlanders/Otago)

Wallabies
The Wallabies are a once-great team that are now an OK team, but shit in comparison to the All Blacks. Yeah, they might give them a scare and even beat them once in a while when the stars and planets align in the right way, but the team is beset by long-standing problems of theirs and the ARU's own making. Plus the last time they dominated the Bledisloe competition, they were insufferable, so meh. Anyways, they've regressed remarkably since their 2015 RWC miracle run, with a disastrous run of form which has seen them win just the one test in their last 5 going into the tournament. Yeah, they've got an uphill battle, and are strong contenders for the spoon this year. Also, their coach is the whiniest little crybaby ever, so fuck him. They also have Israel Folau, who is a literal hatemonger.


Trophies contested within the Rugby Champs
Bledisloe Cup (v. New Zealand)
Mandela Challenge Plate (v. South Africa)
Puma Trophy (v. Argentina)


Last 5 games before the tournament
16 - 20 Ireland - Allianz Stadium, Sydney (2018 June Series)
21 - 26 Ireland - AAMI Park, Melbourne (2018 June Series)
18 - 9 Ireland - Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane (2018 June Series)
24 - 53 Scotland - Murrayfield, Edinburgh (2017 EOYT)
6 - 30 England - Twickenham, London (2017 EOYT)


Tournament Pedigree
Clean Sweeps - 2015*
Champions - 2000, 2001, 2011
Runners-up - 1998, 1999, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2012, 2016, 2017
Wooden Spoon - 1996, 1997, 2009
Reverse Sweep Wooden Spoon - 2005


Why you should support them
You're a masochist & a romantic and you think LGBT people should all go to hell.


Squad
Coach - Michael Cheika (for now)
Captain - Michael Hooper

Folau Fainga'a (Brumbies)
Tolu Latu (Waratahs)
Brandon Paenga-Amosa (Queensland Reds)
Tatafu Polota-Nau (Leicester Tigers)

Allan Alaalatoa (Brumbies)
Sekope Kepu (Waratahs)
Tom Robertson (Waratahs)
Scott Sio (Brumbies)
Taniela Tupou (Queensland Reds)

Rory Arnold (Brumbies)
Adam Coleman (Melbourne Rebels)
Izack Rodda (Queensland Reds)
Rob Simmons (Waratahs)

Ned Hanigan (Waratahs)
Michael Hooper (Waratahs)
David Pocock (Brumbies)
Peter Samu (Crusaders)
Caleb Timu (Queensland Reds)
Lukhan Tui (Queensland Reds)

Will Genia (Melbourne Rebels)
Nick Phipps (Waratahs)
Joe Powell (Brumbies)

Bernard Foley (Waratahs)
Matt Toomua (Leicester Tigers)

Kurtley Beale (Waratahs)
Reece Hodge (Melbourne Rebels)
Bill Meakes (Melbourne Rebels)
Jordan Petaia (Queensland Reds)
Curtis Rona (Waratahs)

Dane Haylett-Petty (Melbourne Rebels)
Marika Koroibete (Melbourne Rebels)
Jack Maddocks (Melbourne Rebels)
Sefanaia Naivalu (Melbourne Rebels)

Tom Banks (Brumbies)
Israel Folau (Waratahs)

Springboks
The Springboks are a team that was in transition from a good team to a shit team, who are now transitioning back into an OK team. The decline started to set in during the second half of 2009, where their win in Hamilton really in retrospect was the last gasp of a Golden Generation. Now that they've moved on, there was no real effort made to develop their replacements, resulting in quite possibly the worst run in the history of the Springboks in 2016. They've started to get their shit together since last year, but who knows if it would be enough. They're generally a team of likeable players and the talent is there. Their fans and press can be insufferable shits though, and for some retrospective lols, go look through Mark Keohane's archives if they're still up. 2010 onwards is a laugh riot. Still, they beat England going into this test series 2-1, only losing a dead rubber at the end, and their loss to Wales in Washington was pretty much a B-side anyway, so don't bother reading too much into that (I'd legit forgotten that game even happened until right around now, to be honest)


Trophies contested within the Rugby Champs
Freedom Cup (v. New Zealand)
Mandela Challenge Plate (v. South Africa)


Last 5 games before the tournament
10 - 25 England - Newlands Stadium, Cape Town (2018 June Series)
23 - 12 England - Free State Stadium, Bloemfontein (2018 June Series)
42 - 39 England - Ellis Park, Johannesburg (2018 June Series)
20 - 22 Wales - RFK Stadium, Washington DC (2018 June Test)
22 - 24 Wales - Millennium Stadium, Cardiff (2017 EOYT)


Tournament Pedigree
Clean Sweeps - 1998
Champions - 2004. 2009
Runners-up - 1996, 1997, 2005, 2013, 2014
Wooden Spoon - 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2011
Reverse Sweep Wooden Spoon - 2015


Why you should support them
You're like a good tragedy, and what is more tragic than seeing a once-great team wallow in the muck and mire of mediocrity? Nothing, that's what.


Squad
Coach - Rassie Erasmus
Captain - Siya Kolisi

Malcolm Marx (Lions)
Bongi Mbonambi (Stormers)
Akker van der Merwe (Sharks)

Thomas du Toit (Sharks)
Steven Kitshoff (Stormers)
Wilco Louw (Stormers)
Frans Malherbe (Stormers)
Tendai Mtawarira (Sharks)

Pieter-Steph du Toit (Stormers)
Eben Etzebeth (Stormers)
Franco Mostert (Lions)
Marvin Orie (Lions)
RG Snyman (Bulls)

Jean-Luc du Preez (Sharks)
Siya Kolisi (Stormers)
Frans Louw (Bath)
Sikhumbuzo Notshe (Stormers)
Marco van Staden (Bulls)
Warren Whiteley (Lions)

Ross Cronje (Lions)
Faf de Klerk (Sale Sharks)
Embrose Papier (Bulls)
Ivan van Zyl (Bulls)

Elton Jantjies (Lions)
Handre Pollard (Bulls)
Damian Willemse (Stormers)

Lukhanyo Am (Sharks)
Andre Esterhuizen (Sharks)
Jesse Kriel (Bulls)
Lionel Mapoe (Lions)

Aphiwi Dyantyi (Lions)
Makazole Mapimpi (Sharks)
Lwazi Mvovo (Sharks)

Willie le Roux (Wasps)

Pumas
Say hello to the sucky garbage idiots of the tournament. Finally included in the competition after a miracle run at the 2007 RWC, where they basically stamped their feet and screamed until they were let in. They immediately justified their place in the tournament by getting the shit knocked out of them, with a whopping 3 wins from 33 tests in the Rugby Championships going into the 2018 tournament. Even when South Africa were having their horror run in 2016, getting beaten by everyone who so much as looked at them cross-eyed, they still managed to finish lower than them. Think about that for a minute. The 2016 Boks could comfort themselves and say "hey, at least we weren't as bad as the Argies." Jesus christ. As for their pre-tournament form, holy shit. Since their win over the Springboks in Salta, the only wins they've registered are against noted rugby powerhouses Japan, Georgia and Italy. I mean, Japan have proven they can tip over some serious heavy hitters in recent years but if you can't beat Georgia and Italy, you're just not trying. So yeah, they're a shit team.


Trophies contested within the Rugby Champs
Puma Trophy (Australia)


Last 5 games before the tournament
14 - 44 Scotland - Estadio Centenario, Resistencia (2018 June Series)
12 - 30 Wales - Estadio Brigadier General Estanislao Lopez, Santa Fe (2018 June Series)
10 - 23 Wales - Estadio San Juan del Bicentenario, San Juan (2018 June Series)
19 - 28 Ireland - Aviva Stadium, Dublin (2017 EOYT)
31 - 15 Italy - Stadio Artemio Franchi, Florence(2017 EOYT)


Tournament Pedigree
Clean Sweeps - lol no
Champions - Nope
Runners-up - Hahahaha
Wooden Spoon - 2012, 2014, 2015, 2016,
Reverse Sweep Wooden Spoon - 2013, 2016, 2017


Why you should support them
I'll get back to you on this one.


Squad
Coach - Mario Ledesma
Captain - Agustin Creevy

Facundo Bosch (Agen)
Agustin Creevy (Jaguares)
Diego Fortuny (Jaguares)
Julian Montoya (Jaguares)

Marco Ciccioli (CASI)
Lucas Favre (Lomas)
Juan Figallo (Saracens)
Santiago Garcia Botta (Jaguares)
Santiago Medrano (Jaguares)
Nahul Tetaz Chaparro (Jaguares)
Mayco Vivas (Atletico del Rosario)
Juan Pablo Zeiss (Los Matretos)

Matías Alemanno (Jaguares)
Ignacio Larrague (CASI)
Tomás Lavanini (Jaguares)
Franco Molina (Jockey Cordoba)
Guido Petti Pagadizábal (Jaguares)

Rodrigo Bruni (San Luis)
Santiago Grondana (Champagnat)
Marcos Kremer (Jaguares)
Juan Manuel Leguizamón (Jaguares)
Pablo Matera (Jaguares)
Javier Ortega (Jaguares)
Tomás Lezana (Jaguares)

Gonzalo Bertranou (Jaguares)
Tomás Cubelli (Jaguares)
Martín Landajo (Jaguares)

Joaquín Díaz Bonilla (Jaguares)
Nicolás Sánchez (Jaguares)

Santiago Álvarez (Jaguares)
Santiago Carreras (Cordoba Athletic)
Jerónimo de la Fuente (Jaguares)
Bautista Ezcurra (Jaguares)
Santiago González Iglesias (Jaguares)
Matías Moroni (Jaguares)
Matías Orlando (Jaguares)

Sebastián Cancelliere (Jaguares)
Bautista Delguy (Jaguares)
Ramiro Moyano (Jaguares)

Emiliano Boffelli (Jaguares)
Juan Cruz Mallia (Jaguares)

There’s a lot to say about the Pumas’ impressive win, but Great Zeus, Etzebeth is a shit-bag isn’t he?

The Bok defensive acumen, especially out wide, has just collapsed in the past year or so.

For a long time I thought Sanchez was a flake but he's playing great

Good to see matters playing well and the puma win

Are nz playing with the ball enough? What happens when Ireland play 70% keep ball?

paddy no 11 wrote:For a long time I thought Sanchez was a flake but he's playing great

Good to see matters playing well and the puma win

Are nz playing with the ball enough? What happens when Ireland play 70% keep ball?

We hit them with UV light via the stadium lights and they burst into flames.

paddy no 11 wrote: Are nz playing with the ball enough? What happens when Ireland play 70% keep ball?

Ireland lose.

In their last meeting (19 November 2016, Lansdowne Rd), Ireland had 66% of the ball and 70% of the territory and still lost 9 - 21.

The difference was that NZ were more than twice as effective with ball in hand (Ireland ran 170 times for 361m, or 2.1m/run while the All Blacks ran 104 times for 470m - 4.5m/run) and better on defence (Ireland missed 23/93 tackles, while NZ missed only 1 more despite attempting 193).

Ireland have improved a bit since then getting heaslip off the team amd dan leavy and james ryan are serious additions

I'm no Ireland fanboy, just raising the question if NZ are playing with the ball enough. It'll be a good contest if they do meet at the WC

Angus Ta'avao has been called into the All Blacks squad to replace Joe Moody. He's probably the first real bolter for 2018.

This also means either Tim Perry or Karl Tuinukuafe will be starting at 1 for the All Blacks for the remainder of the Rugby Champs.

He's not really a bolter. We're down to just picking whoever is left standing. As it is, I'd rather we put Tu'ungufasi at LH and found another TH prop to sit on the bench. Namely either Alaalatoa -- who I'm pretty sure must be eligible now -- or Laulala, if he's back from injury.

3 rounds in, and the All Blacks are already well ahead of everyone else.

New Zealand are currently on 15 points from 3 wins with bonus points.
South Africa hold on to second off a losing bonus point to go with the one they against Argentina in the opening round, for a total of 6 points.
Argentina just hold on to third place due to a superior PD over Australia, with a total of 4 points from their win over South Africa last round.
Australia are still sitting at the bottom, but they pick up 4 points from their win over South Africa this round.

The Springboks keep the competition alive with their upset win in Wellington. The Boks need to beat both the Wallabies and the All Blacks in consecutive weekends, with bonus points in both (plus a huge enough winning margin to wipe out the ABs' 73-point PD in one of the games). They also make a bit of history, inflicting a first-ever loss at home for the All Blacks post-Rugby Championships transition.

If the All Blacks win in Argentina next round, they'll have a firm grasp on the title for a 3rd consecutive year.

New Zealand - 16 points (3 wins, 1 loss - 2 try-scoring bonus points, 1 losing bonus point)
South Africa - 10 points (2 wins, 2 losses - 1 try-scoring bonus point, 1 losing bonus point)
Argentina - 8 points (2 wins, 2 losses)
Australia - 5 points (1 win, 3 losses - 1 losing bonus point)

As good as Folau is, which he showed for his try, he absolutely butchered the opportunity to win that game at the death.

One more edition of the Rugby Champion's Hip closes for the year, with the title staying in New Zealand.

What have we learned?
1. The All Blacks are still a fair bit ahead of most other teams, especially their rivals.

2. The Springboks' current status is "back," for now. Their win in Wellington and close defeat in Pretoria this morning came at a very opportune time for both the competition (which was starting to feel like a very loose term), and for the All Blacks, who are probably privately loving the fact that they've got their serious and proper historic rivals back, like Vegeta to the All Blacks' Goku.

3. Argentina still suck a fuck, and can't close out games. How do you lose from 30-odd points up?

4. Australia are in an absolute shambles, and they won't be extricating themselves from their current mess any time soon.

5. French refs are complete and utter shit, and the sooner Garces is put out to pasture, the better.