RugbyRebels

I've lost track of how many people have been asking for this, especially when I never came close to finishing the task against Wales, and not just because I can't count all the way up to zero. But back by precisely no demand, or as much demand as residents in Teesdale have for a visit by Dominic Cummings, here's one take on the classic from Rome.

Minute 1

Italy kick off long and down to the right and already I'm in a bad mood, normally because sides are ahead of the kicker but Italy are so far behind that might as well have just walked out the changing room at their end of the stadium, seriously the ball is over the 10m line before any Italian slowly wanders into England's half. A lack of effort which sets the tone of what's to come.

Billy collects the kick and runs into contact on the edge of the 22 where Blue 4 has gone off his feet to make a tackle and Blue 2 is there to add heft. Billy wins contact by 3-4m. White set the caterpillar for Youngs to kick and only 5-6 seconds later a box kick is made down the left touchline. Not a bad kick from Youngs, maybe a tad long. May misses his 1 on 1 tackle on Minozzi leaving Minozzi to break down the blindside, Blue 15 tries to nudge the ball ahead with his feet but misses with his 1st attempt, scrum white.

The knock on takes place on 20 seconds and with the players fatigued from that long opening stint nothing further happens in 1st minute.


Minute 2

England win a scrum penalty, Faz kicks to touch up over halfway and Hill wins the lineout at the rear. 'tis a really good throw actually and quite a reach from Hill who's jumping more for ball down our side and has to take it down the middle. Hill comes down with the ball to commence a maul. A first chance to play without Manu, and we've no interest in playing at pace without a midfield carrier.


Minute 3

We maul Italy a good few metres before Youngs puts up a box kick which is claimed by Garbisi under some pressure from May and calls a mark.

Garbis sends a long kick down our left, Faz gathers and sends the ball up back down the same touchline heading around 15m infield. Furbank and Garbisi contest the ball coming down and England have nudge it forwards in the contest, no clean gather from Garbisi either but the loose ball bounces to Bigi who takes the ball into contact. Italy put 3 players over the ball for a ruck we don't contest, and I assume the rest of the team assume they'll just kick the ball back 'cause they're not doing a lot off the ball. Violi passes to Polledri standing 1st receiver on the open side where Italy have developed a 1 man underlap, Polledri drives passively into Underhill and Furbank, Underhill puts him down and Curry folds over to force a penalty for holding on.

Youngs taps and goes, interesting, Youngs sends the ball wide to Slade who has space to attack down the right but Slade can't get outside the last man, Minozzi, and can't get a pass away on the inside, and then loses the ball forward in the tackle anyway.


Minute 4

Italy gather the lost ball and take contact a couple of times before passing the ball bad to Garbisi to clear, Garbisi wants too much time and has his clearing kicking charged down by Curry but the loose ball squirts out of play before Curry can dot down for a try. Italy restart with a 22 out to our left, May gathers almost on our 10m line and passes inside to Farrell

Minute 5

Farrell puts up a kick. May chases and he might be slightly irked by some Italian running lines that are blocking him, Violi isn't even pretending to be looking at anything but May, but in truth May shows little patience/discipline tacking the man in the air and is lucky not to get pinged. Italy run a phase to get further infield and Violi box kicks down our left. Faz gathers and passes infield to Furbank who runs up over halfway before being tackled. Somehow Italy have over resourced the shortside from their own kick and chase, it's just weird, but there they are 4-5 defenders for England's 2 attackers, and the under resourced open side defence sets about identifying threats, the wide defenders can see they've got JJ, Watson and Slade out wide supported by Curry and those 2 defenders want to get wide early, the inside defence can see both Vunipola brothers and want to stay where they are in numbers to try and survive that contact, Mako at 1st receiver drops the ball off to Farrell who has a massive gap between the insider and wider defenders that Violi sweeping around tries to fill but Farrell brushes through the arm tackle and breaks ahead. Tough one for Violi because he's part of a 3 on 5 defence so I can see why he's pushing hard on the outside going to help those wider defenders, the problem is the weird resourcing blind and open after Violi's earlier box kick. Minozzi does his best in defence, which he doesn't always, but Farrell has Curry on the outside and Youngs following play from the inside, Faz draws Minozzi and sends the ball inside to Youngs who canters in for a try.

Italy might want to complain about not getting the penalty for May's taking the man in the air, but their defence after that was risible.

Minute 6

Faz kicks the extras

Italy restart long out to the right to Billy, again their chasers aren't close to being ahead of the kicker. Billy takes the ball and runs up to the edge of the 22 where he has Bigi ahead of him.

Minute 7
Bigi decides the best way to tackle Billy is to grab him by the loose fabric around the shoulder and oddly gives up metres in contact. Youngs box kicks down the left, May chases but over chases and Itoje following up knocks on an attempted gather. Italy gather the ball and pass out into midfield where Bellini attempts to break up the middle, it's not a peach of a break however as he spills the ball in contact so we're back for the first knock on by white.

Bellini spilling the ball happens 20 seconds into the minute. Nothing further happens in the minute.

Minute 8

The ball comes into the scrum finally with seconds to spare in the minute. Violi is looking to pick up at the base as England drive through on the tighthead side wheeling Violi away from his 10.

Minute 9

I think there's a chance for Violi to break down the shortside if he can get outside Curry breaking off the scrum, but he's not looking. He does however show to pass outside drawing Youngs and Underhill forward allowing him to break on the other side of the scrum, with Curry coming around the ball is tipped on to Garbisi who moves it to Canna who drops the ball. Italy had a chance to create a positive centre field ruck there and lacked the basic skills even if that wasn't a planned move.

All that action took place in the first 10 seconds of the minute, the remaining 50 seconds wasn't enough for anything else to happen. The scrum once again delivering sod all value for money to the game.

Minute 10

Finally the scrum engages, England secure their ball and pass to the shortside where Slade at 1st receiver slides a kick down the touchline for May to chase, May gets there but can't gather, but there's a knock on by blue in the action

Minute 11

England win the scrum and Youngs moves out from the scrum allowing Billy to pick up at the base to pass to Youngs. Youngs moves away too early and the pass from Billy slightly checks Youngs, this one can live with when they've not played for so long but it's not great viewing.

As the scrum sets up the England attack line has JJ as the last man in the line and he's around centrefield, Furbank and Watson are presumably somewhere wider and/or deeper but off camera. With Youngs moving wide from the scrum to be 1st receiver and May coming off the left wing to take a short pass from Youngs England not only aren't having Slade and JJ drift 1-2 channels out with Youngs and May coming into the line, JJ is actually running a hard line back against any drift. Watching live I thought Italy had made a mistake having Minozzi defend half the pitch by himself with England putting extra resources into their open side attack but actually even with the additional resource England only narrow their attack, presumably setting up some subsequent play if Farrell calls for the ball to be pulled back to him. But whilst we recycle the ball May takes into contact it's not rapid ball and the next play sees Billy carry up the middle, ball recycled and Sincks gets the ball to carry and he tips it on to JJ as he's tackled, but JJ gets man and ball.

Minute 12

Ball moved right again, and Mako is give the ball with Violi and Bellini ahead of him. Violi makes a reasonable stand at tackling Mako and Bellini does very well to stop him getting quickly to ground preventing a fast play the ball. England switch and head left where Sinks is on the carry, no tip on from Sinks this time as he takes the ball solidly into contact supported by Itoje, left again and Billy has the ball. But now there's an issue with having switched the play to head left, we've left all the forwards back over on the right and with JJ offering on a barely credible crash ball ahead of Billy we're also down a centre to help clear the next ruck. Luckily presented with a chance to attack an under resourced England ruck Steyn gets over excited and goes off his feet when he could have legally won that ball or a penalty. England opt for the 3 bang in front of the sticks.

Minute 13

Faz kicks the 3

Italy restart long down the other touchline, Curry gathers the kick and runs into Lazzaroni winning contact.

Writing this down now the opening 10-15 was worse than I recalled, which doesn't bode well for the next 25 minutes or so.

Minute 14

Youngs box kicks down the right and Watson is into the game chasing a kick he can't get near. Minozzi runs back into contact for a few metres. It might be me but George is chasing a lot of kicks for us, he'll never go 60 at this rate.


Italy make a couple of passes to the open side giving up 10m in territory they're so deep to be under no pressure. Italy drop the ball having ensured they were under no pressure. The standard from Italy across the board is just dreadful. With only 45 seconds left in the minute after the handling error it's understandable nothing else happens in the minute

You're doing the gods' work, Diggers!

Puja

Minute 15

England win ball at their scrum and Youngs drops off to the right/shortside. Billy picks up at the base and feeds Youngs who has Furbank and Watson outside him. Youngs and Furbank draw defenders before getting the ball away and Watson has the ball on the right with a bit of space but also with the Italian shortside defence additionally resourced by the 6, 7 and 8 who've all been attracted to England breaking down the right.

Watson runs infield dropping the ball off to Curry who goes into contact, England recycle and head left again where Italy are now under-resourced after so many players were attracted to Youngs and Furbank. England pass to Billy at 1st receiver and he attracts 2 defenders from the under-resourced openside defence, before pulling the ball back to Farrell. You could take a pop at Farrell for kicking the ball through with a 5 on 3 attack outside him, but there's space to kick into and it's a decent kick, it's just the kick never sits up for May, and May can only fumble the ball around his knees into touch.

Minute 16

Italy win the lineout it would seem whilst replays are being shown, in any event Polledri has the ball and carries into Curry and Underhill, an unconventional choice and he's promptly man shamed. With Polledri going back metres in contact Italy put plenty of men over the ball and box kick clear, May takes the ball and lobs it infield to Furbank who takes the ball up into contact.

And now a variant from Youngs, the 9s often wait to pick the ball up trying to force a defence to sit back on its heels rather than just bring them on, but Youngs now picks up the ball and then waits, and we don't see that combo often. I think he decided once he'd picked the ball up his feet weren't as he wanted them, after an adjustment he sends the ball to Billy who's setup for a bang average carry by the delay, Billy is held in contact and lobs a loose ball back which Youngs gather on the bounce and passes back to Farrell. Going backwards Farrell not unreasonably puts boot to ball and it's an up and under which Watson gets to and taps back but only to a lurking Canna who boots it down England's right touchline where it's empty space.

Minute 17

Faz chases the kick back watching it go into touch in our 22.

England throw to Itoje at the rear or a shortened lineout, Italy can't respond getting anyone into the air and both lifters/Vunipolas have their arms locked having thrown Maro up, a well executed set piece. And then England walk the maul forward a good few metres, they're bullying the Italian pack.

Minute 18

Youngs box kicks from the back of the maul and there's an excellent chase from Watson and Farrell to a kick that's a little long. But then having got there Farrell leaves enough space between himself and Watson that Bellini breaks Farrell's arm tackle to earn a few metres. It's close from England on the chase to getting it right, but they're not quite on it and it's a bit kind.

The ball presented back by Bellini once Watson drags him down is a full body length presented back. But Itoje does well to get over it anyway and turn the ball over, I think he was close to being called off his feet but he got away with it. It's also then good work from Underhill to prevent the counter ruck over Itoje, and Farrell joins in to help Underhill out which is probably needed, but that leaves us with Watson to pass from the base. Watson's pass to Sincks isn't bad, but it is front of Sincks and in that they're not on the same wavelength. Sinckler can't take the ball which bounces loose as there's perhaps some attempt to bat the ball on to Mako. Canna gathers and gets a pass off to Polledri, and neither Youngs nor Watson are lined up such they can tackle Polledri, and neither George nor Slade can get across.

That should really annoy our boys, they had control of the ball and conceded 5 points on the back of it.

Minute 19

Not the easiest kick from out near the touchline, and he makes it look hard.

This is about as entertaining as the actual game.

Minute 20

The restart kick from England out to our left is pretty good and we nearly put quite a bit of pressure on the Italian pod, but they make the catch and get to ground. There is maybe a hint of a release from Underhill, but not much of one and he does go at the ball so in essence having just gifted a try we now concede a penalty to allow an easy exit under no pressure. Bad, bad discipline from England. Italy kick the ball into touch around 10m into our half.

Digby wrote:Minute 18.

Watson's pass to Sincks isn't bad, but it is front of Sincks and in that they're not on the same wavelength. Sinckler can't take the ball which bounces loose as there's perhaps some attempt to bat the ball on to Mako. Canna gathers and gets a pass off to Polledri, and neither Youngs nor Watson are lined up such they can tackle Polledri, and neither George nor Slade can get across.

That should really annoy our boys, they had control of the ball and conceded 5 points on the back of it.

Struck me as a classic case of thinking about what to do with the ball before it's properly in your hands. The tip-on was never on in that situation - Mako was always too flat and there wasn't a gap to send him into - and I think it goes down as a Sinckler error that cost us the try. Mind, he's forgiven given his previous excellence, his work in the scrum, and the fact that it was heartening to see a first receiver doing something other than just belting the leather off the ball.

morepork wrote:This is about as entertaining as the actual game.

That's a horrible thing to say!

Puja

Cheers, Digby.

morepork wrote:This is about as entertaining as the actual game.

Come Tuesday you might welcome this thread as your quiet place to go. Also we haven't even gotten to the bad parts yet, so buckle up, this shit is about to get much shitter

Minute 21

And there will be a natural pause soon, as somebody needs to go and clean some mussels, and I have a feeling I know who that job will belong to.

Back in the rugby Italy struggle in the lineout as Itoje gets up to apply pressure, there's a knock on. And from the resulting scrum it doesn't even engage properly and England have a free kick. England/Farrell decide to kick the free kick, why not it's a chance to kick for free, and if we're willing to kick when it costs us surely a freebie is too good a chance to pass up?

Minute 22

Farrell puts up the kick and May chases hard, but whilst Blue 3 was initially running in towards the ball he changes line and runs back out to block May. I don't know I like May's protestations but it's a fairly blatant block coming off a natural running line.

Underhill gets to Padovani and makes the tackle. Hill gets there too and his arm catches Blue 14 as he's going down and clonks him on the head. I've seen worse but in the spirit of trying to get the players to act more carefully then fine, it's a yellow.

Minute 23

Italy kick their penalty to touch, pretty decent work from England to try and play the ball back infield and clear it up the pitch. It is/was unlikely to work but it helps wind down the clock on the sin bin, and actually Furbank could've purloined a little more time.

Italy can't take the lineout as the throw isn't straight, big pressure brought by England as even with Hill off the put up two jumpers to contest.


Minute 24

England win the scrum, and I don't even remember any rude words about May not being able to scrum. Billy breaks from the base and makes a daft amount of ground, proper dad strength. Ben Youngs box kicks down the middle and Minozzi comes up to take the catch just into the Italy half.